Curse of the Druid...

Curse of the Druid...

So, a few weeks ago, the house had been cleared up and cleansed.
There were some serious drak energy in play that is no longer here.

One of my friends, who used to live here, was helping me clean up the place.
He and I both were with Steeltael at one time or another, and we got to talking about him.

He made the notion that he couldnt handle Steel being as depressed and miserable as he was.
Then noted that he asked around and noone even knows what happened to him in the past couple of years.

I got to meditating and realized he was getting worse and worse after he broke up with me, which reminded me of what the Federation called "The Curse of the Druid"

It's a concept that explains why Druids mate for life.
Also reminded me of a memory from a past life when I was a druid (of which is where the Mewtwo in my sona comes from)

You see if Druids face a breakup, it was led to believe that suicide was the next step.
Apparently that didn't have to be the case.
On the Northstar, I had a Druid Engineer who lost his mate - The ship he was on was lost for several years.
He seemed to get over it, but sometime - about 4 years after the ship was lost - he just dropped dead for no apparent reason, right in the middle of his task.

Now I hear that the ship was found with the full crew, and his mate found out what happend (he wasn't a druid) and later comitted suicide.

So going back to this discussion with my friend.  I believe I know what may have happened to Steel, which is a sad thing to admit.

This memory, along with a new set of memories from yet another past life that have recently been unlocked, is now why I worry about Mixy.

Two lifetimes ago, he and I (as Tiernan Swiftclaw) were together, and it was my death that seperated us - before I could make a promise to him that apparently needed to be made.

My last life (as J-Mac Paul Carthage, the Druid), I could never see anyone else as anything but something there to "entertain" me.  I never found him before I was shot and killed.
Now this life, I know that Steel wasn't "the one" but feel Mixy is.  The one I was meant to be with.  The one I have spent 2 lifetimes trying to find and be with again.

So now, I live alone in HIS house.
(Sure this has been my home, but I will always consider it his house.)
Maintaining, cleaning, and repairing it so that it will be in better shape when he comes home.

And I pray that I can do what is right for him this time, so that he can come home - even if it means him kicking me out.

I love him so much, and I miss him dearly.

We really only had this one major issue, and while we were both at fault for what happened - the truth is, what we did were bad reactions to a bad situation that was being created by other people around us.

Sure I tried to run away, at least for a bit, but noone let me.
I ran because I really had no desire to do EXACTLY what I ended up doing to him.

I wanted - no I NEEDED - that space that noone (including him) would let me have: Just so I wouldn't have snapped on him like I ended up doing.  Just so I could have gotten over it on my own, and been able to come back and love him like I should.
And I feel guilty, even now, for the events that unfolded.

Now I cannot get over him (or the guilt), for that promise has been made - a promise I intend to keep.  That guilt will follow me into death, especially if he doesn't join me in Solitude.

I just pray he can come home.

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Also, last call.
It is now 2 weeks to my birthday, and if you want to get something for me, you may want to do so ASAP to ensure it makes it to me by that day.
If you need ideas, check out my personal page for my own wishlist:
drako.funurl.com