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Realization...

I was helping a local friend shop recently, and she helped me come to a major realization.

A couple years ago, I was doing a lot of stupid stuff based on fear...

I pushed someone out of our home because I was afriad of him... and myself.

Then I filled the house with people who just used me, out of fear of being alone.

Now..
Due to who still has my heart...
Whom I still love and respect...
I am alone.

Out of that respect for him.

I realize I never stopped caring, never stopped loving.
And now...
I'm not afriad.

I will continue to support him..
To be there for him...
No matter what.

I do miss him.
  • Listening to: Starlight
Why date those with their hearts on their sleeve...

I found this online, and it rings so true.

(Was originally written about girls, but I edited it because there are guys like this too)

By Joe Valentine:

We’ve all met one. To some (s)he’s the “emotional train wreck.” Others call him/her the life of the party. (S)he’s the girl or guy whose opinions are never hidden, whose emotions are laid bare. (S)he’s unpredictable. The girl or guy with no filter. A sensitive soul who could jump for joy today yet explode like a volcano tomorrow. (S)he’s fiercely loyal to everyone (s)he loves but will hold the mother of all grudges if you lose his/her trust. His/Her eyes have dampened far too many floors, both with tears of joy and tears of sorrow. On the surface, (s)he might seem like a hassle that most can do without. Most will think they don’t want the drama that surrounds this diva. (S)he’s the distraction a successful person doesn’t need. Yet the girl or guy who wears his/her heart on his/her sleeve is still great dating material…

It’s the dedicated, hard-working males or females. The men or women who are most identified with their inner masculine. Those who seem almost obsessed with making gains, meeting goals, and getting ahead. These are the men or women who will melt at this person's feet. It’s his/her flowery feminine energy that attracts these alphas. This divine femininity which flows through him/her. It fuels his/her passion, his/her emotion, his/her ability to live and breathe each moment of his/her existence. It’s why (s)he can spend hours dancing, shopping, or speaking on the phone. It’s why (s)he feels the emotion in every kiss, every scream, every scene in his/her favorite film. The alpha lacks this energy. (S)He sacrifices it for more masculine traits but remains naturally attracted to it. And that’s why (s)he’ll always fall for the girl or guy with his/her heart on his/her sleeve. (S)He’ll revel in his/her feminine energy. (S)He’ll feel complete. At the same time, (s)he’ll love the stability and safety this strong alpha contributes to his/her crazy lifestyle. The sexual chemistry will spark as fast as a red-hot electrical circuit, but can dwindle just as easily without extra sparks sometimes.

Of course, that doesn’t make their relationship plain sailing. An alpha won’t understand why this (wo)man can be so angry. Why does (s)he get so upset and stressed in seemingly trivial situations? Why does (s)he pull him up on every little slip? It’s often not anyones fault. It’s his/her nature to embrace the emotion of the moment. The same feminine energy that drives him or her wild with desire will bewilder him or her in day-to-day life.

Don’t be frustrated by this. Embrace it. This fiery person is the ocean. His/Her emotions are controlled by so many components. (S)he’s complicated, confusing, chaotic. You can’t get to the bottom of it using logic. Instead, feel him/her like a surfer feels the waves. If you make a mistake, course-correct in the present moment. Don’t use examples from the past or promises for the future. Show him/her you’re sorry now.

Just like the ocean, this (wo)man will always be unpredictable. You will never fully understand him/her. But what a naturally beautiful gift (s)he will be for those who learn to handle him/her.

– beautifullyhuman
  • Listening to: Starlight
The need for history...

Someone recently said to me:
The past is in the past, what I look at is right now.
We cannot forget the past, so it will not repeat itself.

I always considered myself a Christian simply because I believe in the teachings of Jesus Christ.
His teachings made sense, and are a good guideline as to how we should be to our fellow man.

The rest of the bible, in my understanding of it, is literally the history of the Christian Faith.

But I never quite understood why the religious always stuck with that history...
Many of which still repeating parts of that history...
And making the whole faith look bad.

Now I get it...
After watching this documentary:
documentaryheaven.com/the-trou…

The teachings of Christ are what really matters.
To love and to be compassionate towards one another.
To resepct each other and care for those around us.

But we need to know, and remember the history...
Simply so we do not repeat the mistakes of the past.
  • Listening to: Starlight
Picking the scab...

Recently, someone had me in tears...
They brought up something, a mistake of mine, from 2 years ago.

I was really hard on myself over that mistake, and it is still a bit of a sore subject...
I have not fully healed from it yet...

I felt all the blame I put on myself, all the pain that mistake caused.. just rush over me once more..

It was like creating a wound so deep that it hits the bone...
Then picking that scab open some time later.

The feeling of the pain of the wound re-opening.

Sure, once the scab was picked the the bleeding started again, I began to feel better.
Just like with all scabs.

I am glad I made it over that particular hurdle.

The person really brought it up as a test...
To see how far along I am in my healing and improvement process...
They do not hold a grudge over me for that mistake.

They were right.
The past cannot - and will not - be forgotton.
It is the only way to ensure one becomes better, and does not repeat those mistakes.

Now that it is over with, I can admit they were right...
I can understand...
I feel a bit better now.
  • Listening to: Starlight
The Silence has been Necessary

I was recently speaking to a friend who feels the things I have being doing to "punish" myself for my past mistakes are not fair, especially since he feels that I was not the only one at fault for those mistakes.

Yes, it is true that I felt "backed" into a corner by the situation that led up to what happend, and what I did was reactionary to that.  But, I lashed out at the wrong person, and those actions were mine - even if reactionary.  What I did was wrong, and is not who I like to be seen as, because I myself do not like what I did.

But a promise was made, and I have "waited" in solitude...
But at the same time, the solitude was needed.

You see, while I despise what I did, I still ended up making a major mistake.
I failed to respect another individual, even if for the short term.

I was wrong.

I needed to learn to appreciate what I had.
I needed to learn to appreciate what is around me, and what I do have.
I needed to re-learn how to respect.
I needed to learn that there are consequences for my decisions and actions.

I needed to realize what it was I had, so that I could feel the pain of not having it.
It was the only way to really teach me to appreciate it more.
The only way to teach me the error of my ways.
The only way to show me why my past mistakes should never be repeated again.

I feared something that wasn't even real.
I got backed into a corner by those trying to feed on that fear.
And it worked...

My fears became real...
Now I understand how stupid I was.
Now I understand my mistakes.
Now I understand why it should never have happened, and why it should never happen again.

Only with the silence and the solitude have I been truly able to reflect - and truly able to learn these lessons.

I am grateful for this "punishment" - for I have learned much.

Now I only hope that my efforts to change, my efforts to improve, are noticed.

I still feel eveyone, including myself, deserves a second chance - especially if they are willing to admit they were wrong, and are willing to put out the effort to better right themselves.

Only with this solitude was I able to make that effort - to try to better right myself for the future.
  • Listening to: Starlight
Realization...

I was helping a local friend shop recently, and she helped me come to a major realization.

A couple years ago, I was doing a lot of stupid stuff based on fear...

I pushed someone out of our home because I was afriad of him... and myself.

Then I filled the house with people who just used me, out of fear of being alone.

Now..
Due to who still has my heart...
Whom I still love and respect...
I am alone.

Out of that respect for him.

I realize I never stopped caring, never stopped loving.
And now...
I'm not afriad.

I will continue to support him..
To be there for him...
No matter what.

I do miss him.
  • Listening to: Starlight

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jmac32here's Profile Picture
jmac32here
Drako Tags
United States
deviantWEAR sizing preference: M
Favourite genre of music: ROCK BABY!!
Favourite style of art: Furry
Operating System: I prefer Linux or PowerBat OS
Favourite cartoon character: Mewtwo
Personal Quote: I am your worst nightmare...

Drako has been living with his mate, Mix Tags, since September 14, 2007.
(We are currently taking a bit of a break and trying to rebuild our relationship at this time)
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:icondr-35:
DR-35 Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey. Thanks for the fav bro
Reply
:iconcyrustarber:
CyrusTarber Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Hey you! Long time no see~
Reply
:iconjmac32here:
jmac32here Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2012
Has been a while.. happen to have a Jabber, GMail, or Google Account?
Reply
:iconcyrustarber:
CyrusTarber Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
I have gmail and Google Talk, look up "cyrusthemewtwo"
Reply
:iconjmac32here:
jmac32here Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2012
is that @ gmail?
Reply
:iconnoodleart:
NoodleArt Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2011
Really? Awesome! thanks for the heads up :)
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:iconziude:
ziude Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011
Hola!!! Thanks a lot for watching and faving. I really appreciate it!!! ^0^!!!
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:iconjivanika:
jivanika Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2011
thanks for the fave
Reply
:iconwuhzzles:
Wuhzzles Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2011
thanks so much for the watch! ♥
Reply
:iconclawstarz:
Clawstarz Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
and the watch XD
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